Posts tagged “crayons

Color Within The Lines, You Bastard.

I’ve noticed a couple of annoying trends while driving:  other drivers crossing the yellow line and drivers on cross-streets speeding to a stop over the white line.  Maybe they are on the phone?  Maybe they are in a hurry?  Whatever it is….cut the shit.

You’ve all seen it, right?  You’re driving safely along the road, belting out some lyrics to your iPod, when suddenly some asshole is half in your lane!  Sometimes you have to swerve to avoid them, sometimes you don’t – but it’s YOUR lane!  Your lane is reserved for drivers heading in your direction.  If drivers would remain in their own lanes, I could drive to my destination without having to visualize my neck sticking out of the gas tank of my car following a head-on collision!

Then, there are the bastards who stop abruptly at stop signs on a cross-street, with the toes of their car tauntingly stepping over the white line and into your lane!  You almost always have to swerve around these people and you definitely end up having to slow down, because you’re not sure that they are actually going to stop.

It goes back to kindergarten, really.  Most of us learned to color within the lines.  If you’re coloring Superman’s outfit blue and carelessly cross the line, you mess it up for the other colors.  Superman now has a blue line on his chin and when you color over that with your peach or beige crayon (I always preferred peach for skin coloring, but some of my fellow Crayola-Picassos preferred beige), it mixes together and screws up the picture.  Before you know it, Superman looks part Smurf and even my five-year-old imagination couldn’t fathom a collaboration between DC Comics and Hanna-Barbera.

So, until Superman moves to Smurf Village, drive like you want to live, please.  Or at least stay in your own lane, so I can drive with ease.  In other words, color within the lines, you bastard.